The image that word spinster greates is nasty one. One can imagine in ones eyes a little dry, hairy woman. It was the hedous probaganda been told about single women for years to come.
Yet the real life experience might be differen’t. Although spinsters have become somewhat endangered species, they have not totally disappeared: every one of us have met them. I work with one clear case: 50 year old, who lives with her mother and big sister. Very nice woman: big heart and clear mind, but still a spinster.
I name myshelf spinster, because deep down part of me would like to be married with kids. I have just not find a man, who would like me enough and who I would like enough. Atleast I have not found one, with whom I would not been able to mess things up.
Now some people may actually want to be alone, and they should be called singles. Or maybe there is another difference: I don’t have that kind of glorious life style these single people seem to have. I like being home more than partying. I just would like to share home with some one rather than a cat. So you could say I am lonely.
I have to admit that I like to cleaning up much more, when I know that somebody else is to come to visit and that I rather cook for others too than just for my self. So I am not an natural lone cowgirl. To resolve loneliness there are also other means than just finding mate (read: man). You can also make more friends, spend time with them and in that way resolve loneliness.
The proplem is returning back to lonely home. I have widoved mother that is lonely too, but I am not yet ready to move in with her. It feels like giving up all hope. Some might think I am little selfish, but somehow children living with their parents feel always so immature. I am not ready for that yet.
I hope I will never become truly desperate. I was for a short moment at the age of 24, but happily got over pretty fast. And got several unwanted guys hanging after me. Great! Maybe I am just too demanding. I have been thinking about that. It is possible, but the truth is: I don’t want to be les. I don’t want to end up with anybody, just to be with someone.
Originally published in my former blog: Confessions of the Silly Spinster , partly rewritten.