No Rush to be a Mother

I’ve had few spinster friends desperately wanting to become mothers. They don’t necessary long so much for the man, than for children (not necessary very healthy approach, I know).

People are getting more and more sensibility in treating couples with no children, but spinsters are still treated as if they would not understand to get children in time them selves and it seems to be common idea that they should be reminded often.

I have been forced to face this in family meetings. My aunties (uncles’ wives) give small children for me to hold. And there is constant hinting on that direction. In my fathers funerals somebody said it directly (what an occasion to say something like that). My mother has never told us to get children. I suppose in some level she understands.

One friend of mine tells me that she probably has so many good´children (close to ten by far) because her friends think she should get married and get her own. Yet donating some one a lot of good children may work as vaccination – she does not so much need her own children, while she has excuse to spend time with them. She also feels that her mother thinks her as failure, because she has not given her grand children. (And she may not be very wrong).

One of my friends married a man, that is not easy as a husband nor father, and one could have predicted that. He is not a bad man, but he is easily irritated, and she ends up talking about, how they have difficult children. She was already a spinster, when she met him and married. She was a bit desperate, I assume.

It is painful to be reminded of childlessness, if you do want them, and annoying, if you don’t. It is like these people, would think us so stupid, that we would not understand our situation without hints. Come on!

If you don’t want to jump to relationship, as my friend did, without so happy results (at least from my view) or be a single mother, there is not much to do for being a childless spinster, as long as there is no acceptable father figure in the view. It is part of the loneliness one suffers arriving in the empty home. I think that is partly the explanation, why singles get themselves pets – and why they like to spend time outside their apartments.

This months (March 2007) British Glamour had an article of girls closing to their 30th birthday with a rush toward being mothers. The article warned of rushing to relationships or forcing men to commit or become fathers. Its message was, that tough the fertility is slowly dropping, while we mature, women in their early thirties don’t have real hurry. The article warned rushing into relationship too fast, because that would not promise good for the future.

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2 Responses

  1. You, and only you, are responsible for you and to you for what you do.

    “I have been forced to face this in family meetings. My aunties (uncles’ wives) give small children for me to hold. And there is constant hinting on that direction. In my fathers funerals somebody said it directly (what an occasion to say something like that). My mother has never told us to get children. I suppose in some level she understands.”

  2. I know, but sadly I am still feeling the pressure. 🙂

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