Clinging on Others – Childish Affairs

To continue yesterdays theme: there are several rather immature things both women and men do in relationships. I don’t grant neither sex freedom of fault in this field. I don’t mean everybody are immature – I mean only that far too many of us are. (I have learned lately to include myself in this category).

I had just arrived Italy first time and had probably the first real conversation with Italian girls (we were not yet women). One of the first comments was that Italian men really never grow up. Later I have to agree whit them. Italian men are passed from “mamma” to spouse and petting continues. And “mamma” is always there as long as she lives. Yet I have met immature men – and women – among other nationalities as well. Affairs of these Italian couples seemed to me often like teenage courtship.

There is a film called “Failure to Launch” that describes men, who stay at their homes post normal age. What is normal varies from country to another. In my home country we mature early and I left home at the age of 19. Many Italians live with their families past 29 – often for the economical reasons. And you can notice it. I felt they were so young.

Yet moving out of your home is only part of maturing. I’ve met several men – and also women – who are looking for someone, who takes charge of their life. They believe it would be easier. There are men looking for “strong” women and women looking for “strong” men. I’ve known these guys and have had them as friends. Sometimes afterwards I’ve followed their marriage from further and been thinking are they so happy now. But there are girls too whose actions I don’t completely understand.

I’ve been occasionally in the situation, where I’ve been offered to be the general of a relationship.  I’ve more or less said no thanks.  Yet I’ve been looking for the muddy waters of my own motives and I have to say that I am not yet on the clear waters either. I have to admit that it would be nice if some one would stand for me in those affairs I find so difficult to handle. But this is not really what the relationship is really for.

Yet I don’t mean that relationship would require total independence or that we should not look for the support from the partner, but rather than we should not look for saviour or somebody to make decisions for us.


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