My Mother’s Daughter

This posting belongs to the mothers day, but now you got it little late.  According the studies mother-daughter relationship is considered the most important inter-generational relationship. While society changes daughters may grow in totally different cultural environment, which makes the relationship challenging. I have been my mothers confidant since early teens, but my sister has had  more difficult relationship with her.

It seems that relationship between mother and daughter changes, when she becomes more of another woman with similar problems, instead of the symbolic figure. This usually happens when the daughter as found her own life. In my case it happened already, when I was in my early teens. I suppose it is for that we have so special relationship and there is respect and trust between us.

My mother has had hard time with my sisters and my relationship with men and dating. She has worried a lot and told me not to let any man to mix my life. We have a silent deal with my sister not to tell about our dating life for her. I knew about my sister’s long time boyfriend year before mom did. She has never pressured us to make her grandmother, although she likes children. And she is not very likely to become soon as I am spinsterish and my sister has never been eager to become mother, and my brother is even less likely candidate.

It is almost unfair that mothers rather than fathers are considered responsible of good parenting. Yet in the case of our family, the mother was depressed and the real the responsibility should have fallen towards my father, but due to his immaturity, that never became the case. Yet my mother did the best she could and was devoted to us. Still her untreated condition shadowed our childhood and especially I had to struggle myself out of what I considered a shadow-world in my early 20s. Forgiving her was pleasure and rationalising her relief.

She has plenty of good characteristic, yet there are some, that I would love to avoid like nagging, negativity and her poor self-respect. Also I would hope to be more proactive in my relationships with men. Yet her gentility, sensibility and graces are qualities I deeply admire.


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