Thin Line between Reality and Jealousy

When I was young our youth leader lady told us girls to watch out for sickly jealous men (and no I was not in pioneers or anything such). She had some friend, who had gone through hard time. Lately I’ve red a lot of postings and discussions over cheating. What is to cheat? Who has cheated whom? Why do I always meet cheating women?

The world have seen enough black eyes and restricted lives to know how wice advice it was. I’ve also heard about overly jealous women, who hang on their husbands / men at every movement and are jealous over all the women, who come within mile of their husbands. I’ve heard stories of suffocating relationships, where couples are together 24-7. When one of my friends was dating I asked her does she really need to meet him everyday. She left her life unlived to adjust herself in his life, but soon she was whitout him too. I would have felt drowning whitout enough air.

I watched a french movie, where one of the women said that all husbands cheat, when they stop getting love from home. Her two married friends started to think and the other one become unreasonably suspicious and other one actually found out that her bossy husband had actually cheated her. She got finally guts to leave him after she had stayed in unpleasant marriage, where she was ignored and bullied for then years.

When the unmarried woman was asked wont she feel guilty about going with married men. She answered that it was not her marriage. That was an eye-opener: we are often blaming the mistresses when we should in fact be blaming unloyal husbands. Is it always woman fault? In women’s eyes it often is and men don’t like promiscuous women either. Somehow women are less picky. Maybe we have not learned to respect us enough.

There is a moment in this movie, where one of the ladies burns her fuses for her family and bolts out with another man for one day. It is not clearly shown, what happens between them. She comes home very late. Next morning her husband finds her from the sofa and asks her if she cheated him. She says no and he lets it go. It is question of trust. In some point we must decide between trust and mistrust.

I scene from another movie: Mona Lisa Smile that is situated in 1950s. Young girl has got married as she planned. She is rather conventional and plans the perfect life as a housewife, when she must admit herself that her still rather fresh husband has been cheating her right from the beginning. She must make a choice whether to follow convention, keep up the perfect picture and do as her mother tells her, or to step out of fast dried up marriage.

There was an article in Psychology magazine about why wives always are the last ones to find out of infidelity. It said that it is protection against the emotions that could brake up rather safe relationship. There has been studies that claims that large amount of people cheat. Yet they don’t cheat all the time and most of them feel guilty. There are serial cheaters that could not be cured and those who wake up and understand what they are about to loose. Sometimes the latter should get second change.

Cheating hurts. It takes time to heal the wounds. One must choose whether what is left is worth of preservation and whether one can build new trust. And there are things that should be left undigged. Yet I don’t understand those women, who break up others relationship and expect their cheater partner to be suddenly loyal with them. I don’t think they will suddenly change whit out some huge wake-up-call.

But then again I am spinster. What do I understand of these things? 😉


One Response

  1. You’re right, you can’t change a cheating husband. Once a player, always a player.

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