Janus Face

I recognise in myself too sides almost opposite: one very critical and another that wants to be friends with everybody. These too seem to be in eternal war with each other. The critical side is much faster – getting provoked rather easily – and the pacific side makes me feel guilty of those outburst that were hardly necessary.

Sometimes in my occasionally overblown reaction of things and people irritating me, hurts others, when that was not meant at all. My occasionally too soft heart hates to hurt others and so I spend my life feeling eternally guilty, which is not pleasant, I can assure you.

Do I need to be that critical? Innermost I would like to let others live as they please. It is not my thing to criticise. Usually I would let myself much more easily by not getting agitated by stupidity of others and sometimes admitting that I may be occasionally as stupid myself.

Can I be friends with everybody? Not everybody likes everybody and how much I would like to please others I don’t always can. Sometimes others want things that are not even reasonable. I cannot but my life on the self to please others. This is something that I have yet to learn.

I would love to find some kind of balance between these two sides of mine. Sometimes they are about to make me crazy. These problems relate as well in my personal as in my professional life. They are also key in the field of romantic relationships. Life would be much easier living in the middle ground.

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2 Responses

  1. I have also the same problem. I can be really kind to everyone but also really mean. But unlike you, I feel guilty when I realized I’ve been too kind with people who just use you or don’t care about you, and that just drives me nuts. Life is certainly much easier in the middle ground, but I bless the devil part in me. It avoids me to be a complete a fool.

  2. I feel bad, when somebody has used me too, but not guilty. Morelike remorse. I am never mean enough whit those, who would really deserve it.

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