Not Fitting in His Pocket

Stereotypical woman eats like a bird and has a birds mind. She is sweet and innocent, small, short and young. She fits in a man’s pocket. Many men are still looking for this kind of woman to puff up their fragile masculinity. Yet not many are ready to admit it. The fault must be woman’s, if she doesn’t fit in the stereotype.

“It’s not just money – men are accustomed to, and more comfortable with being the bigger, more established person. Most prefer to be with women who are shorter, lighter weight, younger, with equal or lesser levels of education and income.”
– Susie, PHD –

Women, who don’t fit in are often treated as if they were short of she-men or sexless or even worst: lesbians. They are of course not fit to be mothers or wives. The worst is that men could actually loose for them in a logical combat. They are claimed to want to wear the pants in the relationship. Yet most of us just want to be our selves, not needing to play some strange role for men’s sake.

I am tall and intelligent. Yet I am not very career- or money-oriented. I like children, but I am not domestic. As for my work I am more or less satisfied whit my salary, as I don’t need more, but not whit my work content. I’d love to find more creative job and I would not mind working from home 2-3 days per week. Truth to be told – I’d love that. I don’t smoke nor drink excessively and I am quite modest in my relationships. I am pretty enough, although not high maintenance – that is fashionable, very thin and all made up. Still some men’s first impressions seem to be “scary”.

Intelligence is part of what I am. Sometimes I get excited on talking about issues. If this is something that hurts male ego, it is surely not my fault, nor is me being tall. I did not ask for it. My granny was tall and so were her brothers.

At the same time than men claim they are not intimidated by intelligent, educated and well-off women, they write this kind of comments:

I find intelligence extremely attractive unless the woman flaunts that intelligence at the expense of everyone (including me) around her. In my personal opinion and experience, smart women tend to make sure everyone around them knows they are smart. And to me, that’s very unattractive.

5′6 is the upper limit for females. 5′7″ is really really stretching it, but okay if she’s super hot. Anything taller than that is a “she-man”.

They absolutely ARE bitches … and they’re alone and successful in the corporate world (without a man) because they’re either intolerable to live with, are having sex with every man above them on the corporate ladder, or they’re lesbians …

As few sharp males of the species but it:

Intelligence and achievements can come off as bragging regardless of your intent or wording, especially if the other person is jealous of what you have or has low self-confidence. That goes for men and women.

I don’t think it’s intelligence that’s a turn-off for so many men, exactly. It’s more that women aren’t “allowed” to be opinionated. It’s what some have termed the “bitch syndrome”; if a man does it he’s strong and assertive, but if a woman does it she’s a bitch. That’s not my belief, you understand, as my highly intelligent wife could attest, but it’s most definitely out there.

Here, I’d like to address what I observe. I do notice that a lot of men tend to discount the opinions of women. I tend to surround myself with women who are intelligent, politically aware, and articulate. I have often noticed in public places (I’m one of those sorts who will respond to overheard discussions in bars and restaurants, if I feel people are getting away with questionable opinions) that people will engage me in converstion on various issues, but if one of my female friends joins in, there’s often (at best) a sort of tolerant pause while “the lady” speaks. Often, my female friends are talked right over or ignored entirely.

Answer to question: “Are intelligent women attractive?Intellingent women are only intimidating to weak-minded, insecure men. Nobody would ever raise this question about a man.

And the evidence stated by women:

One ex-boyfriend of mine used to jokingly gloat about the fact that I paid for most of our expenses. Maybe it was his way of masking his discomfort, but he brought it up way too much to the point where I could tell he was struggling. Our relationship had other issues, but it came to a head when, after a particularly bad break-up, I initially offered to pay for couples counseling. But then he made some comment in a pseudo-jeering tone about how I was going to “foot the bill for therapy”, and it just made me crawl out of my skin. I can’t completely explain it, but for me it just signaled that we’d run out of reasons to try.

My issue is that many men I meet seem to be intimidated by me being intelligent and independent. It’s not like I’m trying to impress people by bragging about my achievements – just stating what I do for a job (translating) seems to intimidate guys. Then again, I don’t believe in selling myself short in order to attract someone.

My ex was extremely intelligent in the math/science arena; though I believe I am equally intelligent in English/ the humanities, he lorded it over me because math/science are better/more “useful.” He definately did have a need to feel superior to me.

Some science facts:

  • Well-educated women are less likely to divorce (USA).
  • Well-educated women tend to get their children inside the marriage.
  • Tall women are likely to carry twins.
  • Mothers education correlates more to children’s educational level than fathers.
  • Tall and intelligent women get tall and intelligent kids (by the laws of genetics).

Read more:
The Romantic Life of Brainiacs
Educated women less likely to skip marriage and motherhood
Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood
Growing Evidence for a “Divorce Divide?” Education and Marital Dissolution
The ‘new woman’ is a housewife
Do career women trade away motherhood?
Careers And Marriage: Should women marry career men? & Career Women Beware!
Career Women and Marriage
Tall men ‘top husband stakes’
2/3 career women say it’s hard to find Mr. Right
What modern women want: a beta male
Working mums’ children ‘unharmed’
Twins linked to tall mums
Empowering Women through Education: The education of parents is linked to their children’s educational attainment, and the mother’s education is usually more influential than the father’s.
Young children of well-educated mothers likely to be read to daily
Demographics Factor Heavily, In Divorce-Rate Statistics
Clever wives good for men’s health (BBC)
10 Important Research Findings on Marriage Partner
‘Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women’

Off the topic, but interesting and related:
Marriage makes both sexes happy

[I hope nobody gets upset by this as this is part of my own processing. It was not ment to provoke. I published this already twice, but felt it was little too much. Then I found that somebody has linked it and decided to give another go. The comments have been picked up from talking forums and blog comments. I hope nobody feels I am violating their rights.] 

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