“Did you find Mr. Right?” “Yes, but I am going home whit the man I love”

This quote is from the first season of “Dharma and Greg”. Dharma is annoyed, when Gregs old girlfriend, who could be so perfect for him reappears in the scene. In the end she meets Shiddharta whit whom she has so much to share, at a bar. Yet she goes home whit Greg, who she loves.

Looking for Mr. or Miss Right is problematic in such, because I am sure that in the world there are men much more fitting for me than the ones I fall in love whit (and probably also taken!). One cannot indefinitely look for the greener pastures. One has to choose, if one wants to commit. When you have chosen, I think the person you’re whit is the one for you.

You can always find a partner whit whom life could be easier, your parents might approve better, who would give you better security…, but this is the person you love, so stop looking. Longing for something better just makes one unhappy whit what one has. We usually compare ourselves whit others forgetting that everybody is keeping up the pretty cover and hiding the unlovable and irritating stuff conserning their marriage.

I remember the scene in the High Fidelity (the film), where the main character admits that, when he is in love whit a girl and dreams about her – the lingerie, he does not have to think about the reality of the relationship – the faded underwear. The dream girls are always sexy, but that does never last, when reality hits. He admits that there is one woman he never gets tired of, even if she has the faded underwear.

True love and commitment is about finding some one you can be happy whit, even if he or she is not the best thing in the market. Some one who lasts through the low moments.

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One Response

  1. Female expectation can be a cruel master.

    The attitude that a guy perhaps isn’t the best thing on the market but he’ll do, comes from the ego’s expectation (or belief of entitlement) that if it were to find the ‘perfect guy’ then it could be happy. However in the meantime it must remain dissatisfied, possibly resenting the current guy for not being Mr (perfectly) Right.

    It is the expectation that is the problem – not the guy.

    Have you ever seen a pair of shoes or a hand bag and thought “if I could just have that – then I’d be happy”? You buy the item, get home, unpack it and for a short time you’re happy. Then within hours, days or maybe a week you’re back to being dissatisfied with what you have and seek something better…

    You’re doing the same thing with men. The slight difference is that when you’re dissatisfied with your shoe or handbag collection – your shoes and handbags don’t feel hurt for not being enough for you. Men (believe it or not) are different.

    I’m not being personal here and I know I’ve only picked up on a small part of the original post, but this message (when taken on board) will greatly reduce the dissatisfaction in many womens lives.

    So, in essence keep your expectation in check. Be aware that expectation (and the belief of entitlement) only exists in your head – reality is where life counts.

    Best wishes,

    Adam.

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