Please, Don’t Become Boring!

What scares me most about the marriage in general, is that “we” (me and my potential hubby) fall in the roles and mechanically start living “married life”. In my dreams the married life is companionship, occasionally fun and shared moments. In reality I am afraid it would be me playing my mama and he playing his dad. So how could one free of this kind of unwanted roles and be ourselves?

This kind of fears arise mainly from my childhood home and the relationship between my parents. Now my mother is no way the perfect model of happy wife. She is very gentle person, but has trouble of expressing her needs and has always been neurotic cleaner. Due to all this she had developed in my childhood a post-graduated degree on nagging. My father loved her truly, but it must have been hard to continuously try to guess her mind.  I am so much afraid of falling in that role myself and have had warning signs to consider already. But how can one avoid something like that?

I’ve also noticed that in my eyes many men become boring, when they adopt the father/husband role. Of course one needs to take responsibility of the family on some level, but does one have to become so serious as many do. People stop being themselves and start living up their roles. That cannot be good neither for life nor for marriage. No wonder people are disappointed: they got married whit the person, but now live whit their role. I’d hate to end up in the situation like that.

Sometimes the role models we have had are not very good ones. I have myself wondered my ability to become nice wife and good mother. Some people due feel insecure due to this. I have heard of a man, who would not want to become a father, because their father was such a lousy one. Yet the person itself may have nice personality and caring nature.

On the other end are those people, who willingly walk through the aisle, but never take any responsibility of their relationship and children. They run away of boring things and maybe it is partly the reason their partner develops chronic nagging. Yet this might be partly due the nagging. Maybe this is one of the vicious circles of life. But how does one avoid both ends of the trouble both the serious  role takers and the responsibility avoiding type? I am afraid that by trying to avoid one I end up whit the other.

I think the only way to free one-self of these roles is to be conscious about them and their impact. It is important to discuss about hopes and dreams as well as fears concerning the marriage before making the commitment. That may save us from lot of trouble later. I knew a couple, who split up early in their relationship, because she did not want what he wanted. She wanted to see the world and he wanted traditional family. Some blamed her, but I think she saved them both from lot.

Inspiration:Life Lessons by Elisabeth Kűbler-Ross and David Kessler; the 1st chapter.


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