Loose Button a.k.a Loosing the Grip

One of my over-coat buttons got loose couple of weeks ago. It seems to reflect everything that is going wrong at my life at the moment. I seem to not be able to handle such a minor things as sewing my button, which I by the way can do perfectly well.

The problem is not that I could not, but that I don’t seem to be able address the problematic issue. In the morning I decide to do it to day and in the evening I notice that I’ve not done it again and that I am too tired to start. And yet again one more day has gone. And days float past me like dreamy swans.

This is strange, because lately my mood have clearly lifted of the long foggy season. I feel hopeful and loving my life (most of the time). I am not nervous nor distress like I used to be still at autumn. I feel generally happy, occasionally joyful. Yet it seems overly hard to tackle everyday issues.

Part of the problem is that we have most stressful time of the year at work. The other part of the problem is that I seem to be processing my past and especially past associating whit my relationships and men in heavy processing. You might think it would be depressing, but in fact I feel the process is liberating and unburdening. Yet it takes quite a much of my mental and emotional capacity.

Plus to everything else I got committed for these casual studies whit my friend, where there is a social pressure to do it properly as she want us to work together as a small group. And I’d love it, if only I had more time to concentrate in it. At the moment I feel guilty if I do it and I feel guilty if I don’t .

The problem of being single is there that I am not able to get help from someone at home (and I am too shame to ask some outsider). The benefit of being couple is that you could get help, when you’re having too much trouble. Yet this might be just seeing the greener grass on the other side of the fence thus idealising the steady relationships. Truth in my parents relationship was quite different in fact.


2 Responses

  1. It’s great to have a loving partner when you’re feeling down. But it’s great to have friends who care too.

  2. Yes the friends are great, but in the evning you have to go to the empty home…

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