Suddenly Justice Just Doesen’t Matter

I don’t care about the people who harassed me. I have no energy for them. For long time I was angry, but at the moment it is more important to get back to the life. It is more important to be able to get over my fears.

I used to be so angry about all the cases of harassment, but no I am suddenly unemotional. I can agree that harassment is using about power, not passion, but it does not raise my emotion, if some one is silly enough to think differently. I just don’t have resources to waste for fighting whit treadmills as it is almost impossible to change the opinions of people in denial (and by no means they are only men, nor men in general belong to them).

You can only understand the significance of this, when I admit that I am really justice oriented person. Fairness is usually really important to me and has been since I was rather little. Yet at the moment I don’t care about it, I just care about getting better.

I am feeling deeply anguished. All of this started whit a public harassment scandal and me trying to figure out, why I was so angry about it. At the same time I decided to try online dating. Yes I have to admit I think it is pathetic and I really don’t believe finding guys from there.

I feel stressed and scared, because I got plenty of answers and some of the guys are rather heavy on meeting me and I am not sure, who I want to meet and am I really ready to meet / date anyone. I think I took too big step at once – I should’ve started more easily.

I’m panicking. I feel like telling them that I’m not ready yet, at the same time I feel worried that they would feel misled. Telling them I would not want to see them on the other hand would be untrue. I don’t really know what to do.

I find myself sabotaging myself on purpose by asking the guys what kind of family would they want and answering in the same message. Far too serious far too soon.  It will probably scare them off – although it might just scare those, who are not desperate – meaning those that are best of the lot. The ones left are those I really would not want to meet anyway.

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