Confessions of Net-Dating-Virgin

I confess I did it. I wrote nice little profile in quite specific dating service my friend had used before (and not found her guy there). I just wanted to include some men in my life and possibly date. I was as honest as possible. Let me see I wrote something like hating washing dishes and being a dreamer, but surprisingly it did not seem to scare men off.

I got plenty of answers. In the beginning I felt it was fair to answer at least those that had written me something more than just being interested. I asked some of them questions (like why the one of the guys was still living with his parents and why another one had divorced). I felt I needed answers to these questions.

The premier embarrassment was when I realised the fake name I used to open the free e-mail I was using was shown as a sender of the mails. The truth is I don’t still have found out, how to remove it. So part of my odyssey have been trying not to make fool of my self, while explaining that “Anne” is not really my name. Some of them I’ve even given my real first name (as they’ve given theirs too). I want to keep my anonymity and at the same time I don’t want to mislead them thinking I am more open than I am.

I have to admit that the whole dating business brought up some old traumas (of harassment) and I felt panicking. One Saturday of February I just cried about things that had happened me before, when I was younger. I was rather delighted that the worst was over after then, but I am still not totally over my fear of dating (and men).

The crying episode was after I’ve been surfing about first the phobia of men and after brought forward the issue of abuse, I searched about its psychological effects. And all it made me cry of things that I had safely locked in the closet in the far end of my mind. I finally admitted what all this had done to me and cried of the self bitty and sorrow of the loss.

This did not make my net-dating project any easier, although I must admit, that it might have been necessary episode. After it I decided to take practical standpoint on choosing men and ask from them few key issues (about things they like and what are they expecting of the life). And I panicked of that too, because I was afraid that I had asked too serious questions too soon. But my fear was pointless as they both answered nicely.

Now I am thinking, because their answers were both so nice (there are just two guys in the arena at the moment), I don’t know who to choose. I fear I have to make my choice on what I feel are the irrelevant issues. Yet there are very little to blame them otherwise.

There was a third guy, who has been bombing me whit messages for some weeks now. I must admit that I admire his endurance, when my answers have been few and far between. Yet I’ve not written much more to other either. There was certain reasons I was not sure about him and so today I wrote him and asked for a break and to come back later, if he still felt like it. It will give me a breathing space I hope, without needing to totally skip him. Yet I made it enough clear that he should look for other places for a while.

I have to admit, it is not easy to make a choice according few messages and a short (or even shorter) profile. Yet I don’t want to keep both of them hanging after me, while I date them both. I am one at the time kind of girl and I don’t even think I’d have capacity for more. This I told them. So now I need to choose, with whom I want to proceed right now and to whom I want to say “see you later”. Not an easy choice to make for a woman, who is not good making decisions.

I am not even sure right now I am ready to fall in love and part of me wonders if it is fair for these guys, put on the other hand: one must start somewhere.

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2 Responses

  1. Hi.
    First I want to say that it was good to read your post. I felt like you not long time ago.
    I also did the net-dating, but I was not so successful. I have too much fear to get on the false man,because you don`t know him in reality. I hope you choose the right guy. So good luck.

  2. Thank you. It is nice to hear others have had similar experiences. It is very difficult to know a person after few short notes. I am still wondering, but I will tell you all, what happend, if anything did…

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