Borderless Union (a story)

He is a charmer and she is a clinging shadow. You wonder why they are together, especially when you occasional hear her whining for him. He is charming sunny character, always in the center of the scene and for her nothing is ever right. You wonder why does he stand for her. He is fun to be around, always full of pranck and she is powerless little grey mouse in the corner of the room or preferably in the kitchen.

Behind the scene there is another story: he is reckless and leaves her to take care of all practical issues. He seems as dependent on her as she is on him socially. He might cheat her or use excessive amounts of alcohol, and she forgives. She might complain for his carelessness and thoughtlessness and might threaten to leave him and the kids, yet she is never able to.

In the shadows of the secrecy she pegs his attention with manipulative means, because nothing else can get his attention, as he is mostly just interested on him self. She invents symptoms of malady, she makes her self believe or maybe threatens to take her own life or walk out of marriage. And the children, if they have them, are just pawns in their manipulative games.

The Loyal Supporter

It is surprising how this sunny guy is able to get himself in feuds and disputes with others. As long as everything goes as he likes, its fine and his charm is shining, but if anything changes, he starts to get angry and launches his battle. She stands beside him, like virgin of justice seeing no fault in his side. In her yes (as well as in his own) he could do nothing bad. That’s why he stays with her, because she is his only loyal supporter.

He might even abuse the kids either physically, emotionally or even sexually and she just looks on the other direction, because she want to keep up the prince charming image her immature imagination has created of him and that fits him just right. It also fits her, because when he leans on her support, he gives her attention she has yearned and for once she is happy.

This is an union between narcissistic (he) and emotionally unstable (she) personalities, both deeply dependent and manipulative, the union of borderless. Both of them are stuck in the past: She in the period, when child starts to explore the world, but still needs the mothers arms around her; He in the early childhood stage, where the ego is still very fragile. Neither has reached any maturity nor emotional independence. They are deeply dependent. Occasional the pop-psychology has used the term of co-dependence (of usually female side)  of this kind of phenomena.

The word “No” is taboo in their union – he doesn’t want to hear it and she doesn’t want to say it.

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