The Model of the Parents’ Union

I filled in a questionnaire on partnership issues. There were some questions that made me think. Both me and my sister have emotional relationship issues – although we have reacted in different ways towards our childhood. 

I wonder what impact does parents union have on our view of relationship. It is in the end what we’ve experienced when we were growing up. We might have seen something of the unions of our uncles and aunts, maybe also of our grandparents and cousins, or we might not, depending how open our family is. Yet there are usually few other role models as people don’t show their true self towards outsiders.

The marriage one has spent longest part is usually the parents union, until your own continues longer. It is the one you have closest look in. It is something one considers the norm. Even if as children we propably don’t understand the deep waters of the union. Yet every other model, however more common in society, is merely something else. We might like to go along with the norm or rebell against it.

It has been studied that people, who’s parents have divorced are more likely to divorce than those who’s parent havent. Daughters of the alcoholic often find themselves married with a bottle. Also violence exposes to further violence as one has not been ablet to build proper guard against it. Yet also good things of the parents marriage might materialise, like the experience of getting over the hard times and respect towards your partner. People are looking for the model of their parents in good and bad.

The other significant role model is the media. Yet it is hardly the best possible model. Just look at the day time soap, where the story is kept up by continuously changing couples and partners – cheating and seduction. It might make us unconciously feel that the life around us is similar. 

Yet people are usually more loyal and their life more boring and ordinary than we expect. The problem is we are not often able to honestly dig in the other peoples unions. Due this we only have vague and often false idea of what is happening inside of them. The sorrows as well as joys of them are usually mystery for us.

So the only model we saw almost honestly and often painfully clearly is our parents union. We know what happened, how it happened and how both parties reacted. Yet even there our view is not impartial : we learned to take sides, whether we wanted or not. Our view of it is not as unemotional and clear as many of us would want to think.


2 Responses

  1. I agree with this article completely.I grew up with my parents arguing and miserable but stuck together for appearances sake.When i found myself trapped in a violent marriage for 5 years, I eventually found the strength to end it it because I knew I couldn’t live in misery forever.I’d rather be lonely than living a lie and dead inside.

  2. I agree that it is better to be alone than with some one who harms you. I am happy that you’re over it.

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