I Want to Fall in Love

It does not need to be fireworks nor has it have to be any crazy thing either, but I’d still love to have some electricity in the air – at least a little. I we grown wise enough to understand that fireworks don’t guarantee happiness, but I don’t want it clinical either as it felt like, when I was for short while active in the Internet dating world.

When I was 16 I was already labeled as romantic and I suppose I am, although one that has two feet on the ground. Does it matter then if ones head is occasionally in the clouds? Maybe that is my problem: I want both – feeling comfy and giddy with a guy and it does not happen often. In fact I think I can count only couple of times it has actually worked that way. Other times either quality has been lacking.

Oh, I’ve been in love (and not just once), but it is some years ago now. My biggest romance was hurtful and humiliating and I spent long time licking my wounds. I don’t just blame him, although there was fault in him too, but I mostly blame my self. I was silly and did not know how to put end on it, even when I knew I should have. And after few more or less unfortunate events I really wanted to be on the self for a while. It just felt too frustrating. (This was long story made far too simple, but it is more or less how it felt). Yet I was not totally able to do it.

But for some years now I’ve truly been on the self. I would love to step down from it, but suddenly it is not that easy. The older you get the more difficult it gets. I don’t even know where to start. And in the mean while my friends have found men and some of them have even got married. And even those, who have not are in the stable relationship. There are some singles left, but those who I’ve walked most of the road with me are now taken.

I know I could go to the Internet and make my pick of the bunch of guys (I tried this in the spring), but it just does not work for me. The pictures don’t tell the personality and yet I don’t want to raise expectations by meeting men, I might not like. One of my pen pals had experienced this in first hand and told me that we should meet asap to see if we could click and not to waste time in the potentially meaningless writing. I did not believe it right away, but now I think he was correct (although he lived home, “creeps”).

So I came to conclusion that how romantic it sounds to meet man through pen pals (as one of my colleagues has), it is still not thing for me. I believe in first impressions and reading people and through static photo you don’t get any feeling of them. Even a film would probably not tell much. You just have to be present and view their reflection of you. By just looking photos I’d propably pick all the wrong guys (the good looking,  but not animating). Usually folks are just not that photogenic and in real life they are something more.


5 Responses

  1. I agree – there’s only so much you can know while choosing a date from a website.

    In an earlier post, you touched on the topic of negative thought patterns. Although this blog is titled “The Spinster Chronicles,” you are also a romantic. It’s an interesting paradox. But humor is what gets us all through tough times.

    I can totally relate. I’m also a romantic. And it’s hard. Because I never want to settle. And it’s taking a long time to find the right person. My best coping strategy is to be patient and focus on other aspects of life 🙂

    I’ve enjoyed reading your posts – welcome back!!

  2. Hi there! Welcome back!
    It sounds like you’re having a busy summer (I am envious of your trip to Italy), and have been thinking about your life a lot. I like the posts you’ve made recently. Well, not much to say besides “Hello” and keep yourself busy, bring yourself to go out with your old acquaintance and his friends, at least if you feel like going out. 🙂

  3. Well I am a born romantic – what can I do. Girl who loves fairy tales, but already as a kid I used to wonder what happened after “happily ever after” – so I suppose I am realistic as well. Feet on the ground, but head in the clouds.

    Unfortunately after the hectic June the July has been oh so boring. Everybody else is in the holiday and I am in the city – boring – boring – boring…

    Probably my own fault.

    Nice to see you Ryssee – and hello to you Sindhu.

  4. i want u gals as friends

  5. You’re welcome.

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