Excessive Daydreaming

It may sound funny, but I truly think that I should dream less and live in reality little more. The idea came to me, when I was thinking of a man I know and like. Always before I’ve let my dreams run wild: designing the family and kids, thinking up the weddings. And sometimes I have had difficulty to separate my dreams from reality.

I have well developed imagination. In my head I write stories to please myself. They rarely come out in the reality. Sometimes they can be productive, while they make me want to know about issues and understand things. Often they are counter productive, because I spend my time in thinking and not putting things in action. The funny thing is that I often act before I think and things I think I rarely put on action. Maybe I am afraid that reality would not be as perfect as the dreams can be.

In case of relationship this usually means loosing the touch.  I wonder if the daydreams are really my escapade from my fears relating relationships and I have plenty of those. Daydreams are safe, while the reality can broke your heart.  Yet they make me passive. That I’ve never been good in feminine wiles, makes situation worst. I’ve never needed those wiles to get attention and I’ve always felt them to be somewhat dishonest, but maybe that is part of the problem: I don’t know how to connect.

So while I daydream, the relationship that was in the bud starts to dry up. I end up noticing that only thing I have left are my dreams. I’ve jumped ahead before anything really happens and I stand there with only empty dreams. Instead of being more cautious in my head and seeing were it might be leading. I feel heartbroken  whit out a reason. My problems raise partly from the fear of passionate relationship and that fear is I think the root of my dreaming, because the dreams are safe. 

Yet the older I got more I’ve realised that however safe the daydreams are, in the end they are just that – only dreams. The man of the dreams is never a real person. He is just mirrow of my own hopes and dreams. He lacks his own personality and his own will. He acts as I’d hope him to act. In other words he is just puppet of my imagination, who looks like the person I am interested in. He is boneless, fleshless and cold.

Dream man is easier to get along than a real person only because you don’t really need to get on with him. What makes him safe is that he cannot make real decission about me nor turn me down. But because he has not chosen me, he cannot really love me either. Little by little the excitement starts to dry up.

Dreams don’t stand by you, when you’re hit by reality. They don’t give you support nor real affection. While they may give you pleasure, they don’t really give you passion. Especially they are empty in the form of respond, because they are just my imagination. They are not responsive and the interaction with another person is in my eyes one of the treasures of human relationship and the root of true passion.

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9 Responses

  1. yep, same problem here. the bad things about these daydreams is that when you come back to reality, theirs a feeling of emptiness in you. also you feel out of touch with the world.

  2. That is true Leo. Sometimes daydreams seem more pleasant than the real life and often I am more fixed with it than with reality.

  3. Reading this has really struck a chord with me
    I am a hopeless daydreamer, especially about relationships. If I really like someone, and they give me the slightest hint that they might like me back – even if they’re only being friendly – my imagination runs away with me and I can’t keep it in check.
    Sometimes it’s almost as though if think about it enough I can almost WILL it to happen.
    It happened again this week and then when I realised the guy was just being friendly it really was like falling down to earth with a bump.
    I think you’re right about daydreaming being almost halmful. You do get left with a sense of emptiness and lonlieness when the bubble bursts and it also makes me feel stupid for daring to hope.
    I try not to let my imagination run away with me, but at the end of the day I’m a hopeless romantic, I just want the fairytale ending.

  4. Sounds familiar. My dreams are always running ahead of the life. And the worst is when I eventually crash with the reality.

  5. Yeah, but sometimes day dreams keep you sane.Every body needs something to wish and hope for.

  6. hey i am glad that i am not the only person who has this problem. But i really want to come out of it. While having a day dream , the feeling that i don’t want to come out of it scares me and confuses me all the time. When i think about relationships, at one end when i am not day dreaming, I tell myself , that it is the last think i need right now but while day dreaming i even go to the extent of getting married or having kids. Whenever i meet new guys i just fear that if they show slightest liking for me, even in a friendly way, my day dreaming will start. it feels like, i am so weak that i cant stop it. i dont know how to control myself. This is happening so much that i am loosing my focus. Can anyone help me with this

  7. Hi Trudi,

    I am not sure how much I can be of help for you, as I am suffering of the same thing, but there is a thing you could try:

    There is a saying by Marthin Luther:

    “Thoughts are like birds – you may not be able to prevent them from flying over your head, but you can stop them making nest on it.”

  8. Involving oneself in prayers or meditation may be helpful to come out of it. I think, whenever mind is free it begins starting the imagination, to avoid this, the free times can be used by repeating the words of “praising the god almighty”

    Initially this may be difficult to follow as the mind is not used to it. I hope once we cross this, we can easily come out of the problem if the god almighty desires.

    All the best

    AB

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