No Looking Back

I always blamed myself for killing the blooming romance. There have always been easier women around and usually the men around me have not been up to challange I present. I wonder if it has been partly due their own immaturity as well as mine. When they’ve started to date someone else and I’ve relaxed around them, they’ve suddenly became interested again. For me that is no-no situation.

When it happened again already years ago, I was immature and did not know how to act. I’ve always believed that women should support each other and not to steal each others boyfriends. So I did not encourage him, but I considered him as my soul mate, so I could not bring myself to really discourage him either, which I now know I should have done. He truly seemed like perfect for me as we had identical interests much unlike his girlfriend. I also knew he had been smitten with me just half a year earlier before they started to date. Yet it was impossible to me to brake their relationship.

If I had known, what I know now, I would have turned him down immediately. There is no point of waiting some one to leave their girl friend first, at least not if they are so insecure as he was. I let myself to be treated badly and it was not wonderful situation for his girlfriend either.

The next time I shyed from a guy there was frankly not enough time to process the situation, before I left for Italy. We saw again in the summer, but I left again and when I came back he was dating.  This time I had already learned my lesson.  When he got smitten again and I clearly turned him down, he became angry. He had more intense charachter than the first one had had. He might have even left his girlfriend, if I’d given clearer sign for him.

At that time my moral collar was up and I did not want to give him any engouragement what so ever. I don’t know what I’d do now. Would I be wiser? Fortunately I’ve not really been in the similar situation after that. I’ve learned that men in relationships are no-no even if the situation is about warming up the old romance. One should not dream of them leaving their girl friends for you.  Even if I’ve newer been partner in crime in physical cheating, I’ve still felt myself somewhat dirty, because these guys have lusted after me.

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2 Responses

  1. You’re being wise; you’ve lived and learned. All is not fair in love (and war so they say), but you have to stay true to your values. Keep the moral collar up and deal with these guys on your terms!

  2. Bravo I say!

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