The Question of Older Men

When I was in my twenties I would have not even considered dating some one over five years older than me. But when you get older, the prospects get less good and you suddenly start to see around older, rather exiting men. Occasionally you look around and most men of my age are either not interested or not interesting and then you start looking towards older men.

Occasionally men make younger impression they actually are, because of their energetic nature and it takes time to find their true age. Then there are men like Robert Redford, who until recently made me think the idea of older men not being actually that bad. If I’d need to choose between interesting guy about my age and one seriously older, I’d probably choose the one of my own age, but unfortunately my potential choices are usually not that good.

It is not easy. If one use at least little brains and has at least moderate mathematical skills, one can soon count. When I am 50, he is 70, help. I know it’ll take 20 years to reach there, but hey I am a planner: the day will finally arrive. I might need to nurse my mother, but I’ve never been planning to nurse my husband, when I am in my 50s (so I would not necessary need to if he is only in his 70s, but the likelihood is much higher than with the hubby in his 50s).

I have also never planned to become a young widow, which might also become reality as the average male don’t necessary live over 80 years age. The old age companion is one of my wishes. I have heard that there are much more women in the old-age home than men.

There is the question of being in the different phases of the life as well. If guy has already reached his late 40s without any significant relationship, he might be one of those eternal bachelors. On the other hand, if his been there and seen that, he might not be interested anymore. And if there are kids almost of your age they might feel uneasy about your relationship. He might also be the eternal bachelor (like George Clooney) and even then he would not be in same phase than you are. You might wish to change him with love, but we have all seen how well it usually succeeds.

In the question of children, there is new problem. Apparently oldern men are both less fertile than younger one, but also less likely to produce healthy babies. In fact it seems that over fifty year old dads are much more lickely to produce descendants that will one day suffer from bipolar disorder than younger dads. So not only might they not be interested in kids, they might also not be good for them either.

Yet there are the benefits of mans age. I might sound much too critical in here. He might be wiser, less critical (of my looks), more understanding on women (experience) and better established (no need to make career so ferwently and more time for hsi family). His expectations for the relationship would propably be more down to earth.

In my case the question was not totally academic one. I had a crush. Maybe I sometimes think about my love life too much with my brains. Yet this time also my guts said it would not work. So I showed him a cold shoulder. (Yet part of me wonders, if I’ll be sorry for this as an old spinster! – or  maybe not.) The end!

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4 Responses

  1. There are pros and cons for dating older men. The pros are, at 50 and over, they are full grown men. But you should watch out if they’re into a midlife crisis. The cons are they might look for a younger woman to control her. Good post!

  2. I don’t think the prospects are looking less good if you’re meeting older but exciting men, haha!
    You bring up interesting points which will make me ramble on with my thoughts.
    Myself, I would rather have less time of greater happiness and give some of the other stuff up, for a great guy and a great relationship, than keep looking for all the other stuff I “might” have if i let him go and look elsewhere because of other things I want. Life is about compromise, and there will never be any perfect fit with another human being no matter what.
    Things to think about: What if you can’t get pregnant if you want to, or what if you have a child and it turns out to be with a bad husband and father? What if you get to do other things people dream about, like seeing the world, or staying in and having great dinners together every night with someone who completely gets who you are and is a joy to be with?
    You can go all around the “what if’s,” but it really is all about what you’re willing to give up from the wish list to get what you need. Usually though, you can have most of it.
    All of that said, I agree with all the benefits you list, which are the best foundations for finding a lifetime – or longtime partner. In the end, as you often point out, you should go with your values and how you feel about the person you’re with, and how they make you feel.
    Have an excellent weekend!

  3. Modobs: I did not think about the control thing my self. That was good point.

    Ryssee, You right in a way, but…

    I don’t think wanting kids and trying to choose a man, who also wants them, is unreasonable. Even if I could not get kids my self, I can always offer the home for one who needs it – but only if my man is ready to do that too (not talking about adoption here). If the man has already adult or almost adult kids, its not likely he is looking for a new one. And I’m not sure I want to be step-mother for kids almost of my own age. Its far too complicated.

    In my case there was kind of tricky situation. You see, he was my boss. In fact he was rather much above me. Yes I know about the office romance is normal, but I am not sure it is always wise. And when there was so much else that was against the thing, I must admit that I chickened out, but I am not that sure it was stupid thing to do. But sure he was exciting in many ways…

    Here is were we differ I think. I know one cannot plan the life too much. Being sick right know shows how badly that will go, but on the other hand I feel that I prefer the long warmth over short heat, you see. I am a serious commitment kind of a girl. I’ve always been.

    Unfortunately my weekend meant long sleeps, cheap romantic novels and some silly reality-tv (through internet). Oh and old German detective series. Hopefully you had better weekend than mine was.

  4. I enjoyed you site. I am not a spinster but recently divorced and I have some similar issues.

    Check out my sisters views on men and how to get them to do what you want on my blog. ( I don’t agree with them but they seem to work).

    Best wishes,
    Charlotte

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