He seemed nice, well educated and polite. We had nice chat over the net. Then he told he had nothing in the home to eat and silly me joked about needing to order the pizza. He wanted to meet me over lunch or dinner next day. I am no follower of the rule book – yet the invitation surprised me.

I had a polish friend in India, who used to say, that I was a good judge of human nature. Yet I admired her openness towards new people. She was never worried of them nor about their true intentions. She had huge amount of friends and she was always smiling. I still wish I could be more like her.

I myself don’t trust strange people. Part of it is probably because I don’t trust my self to be a good judge of human nature. When I was younger I was in general sceptical on cross-cultural romantic relationships and especially on marriages. Is this truly a question of being afraid of the trouble or does this belief hide something more hideous behind it?

This man was from Iran. I have heard a lot of stories about Iran as well as maybe of Saudi Arabia. Both countries have similar flavour – really old fashioned and misogynist. There is not so long time I watched the movie called Persepolis about Iranian life. I did not recognise it during chatting him, but afterwards some prejudices crept up that I was not proud of.

Maybe it was because of those prejudices people generally have that I felt his reluctance to tell were he was from. It took him a while to answer. Although as usually across the net, it is really difficult to interpret peoples feelings. But I felt the conversation stop for a while after I asked. Yet during the discussion I did not let the fact affect me, but it was after it, while the consciousness of the fact came in to my mind.

Yet the prejudices affect me and I am not proud about this. I have seen enough people around the world to know that prejudices are not always true. Some people just don’t fit in them. I don’t fit in typical prejudice about Nordic women myself. Prejudices are not people, they are simplifications we make to be able to make the world easier for us to comprehend. Yet I seem to not be able to hinder the stories I’ve heard running around my head.


4 Responses

  1. I guess prejudices would always be there. We are all humans, with our biases and notions. One may need to be unbiased in public life, but in personal matters bias or perhaps instinct is the only thing that shows the way many a times.
    I think it usually boils down to ‘like – not like’ question. That makes decisions easier 😛 (but then I speak only for myself)

    btw, belated happy new year! 🙂

  2. Yes your correct. Yet sometimes I believe it is good to question our prejudicies.

    Sorry have not red my blog for a while. Just noticed your comments. 😦

    I hope you have had good beginning of the year 2009 and that it will continue even better than it started. 🙂

  3. Prejudice is a strange thing. We even feel it about our own selves. I probably know how this guy felt because it is probably how I would feel, being a Brazilian, if I was meeting a Nordic girl.

    I feel an atmosphere of inferiority about guys from other countries, non-European or North-American countries, when it comes to getting to know women from the “dominating” countries.

    If beautiful, we’re generally just seen as exotic specimens most of the time, and that’s all. If not, well, who cares?

    It is very common for men from “dominated” countries not to be as interesting for women, be them Brazilian women or European women, as men from rich, important countries.

    They have a feel of weakness, they look old-fashioned, less enlightened, kind of thick, and their accent of course doesn’t help.
    Set apart the cultural differences, and how differently we feel about things.

    It is palpable to me, in cross-cultural meetings/datings, and I don’t think it is a problem admitting to it, although I know this is not the rule, this is not how it happens to everyone and I know I know almost nothing due to my age. I’m just saying what I feel. As for me, I would only invest in a romantic relationship with someone like me.

    I don’t know, I think I just wouldn’t like to feel sorry for being me for long.

    Nice that you brought up the subject.

  4. Well I’ve known some nice Brasilian guys – one of them was like my brat little brother. 😉

    I suppose I can understand how you feel – at least a little. We are all victims of prejudicies – either our own – or other people’s.

    One of my friends has a quite a succesful crosscultural marriage (her husband is from Africa) – on the other hand my girl cousin’s marriage was not succesful, but that was not the husbands fault (at least according to my dear aunt).

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