I like male species in general and not just because I fancy them. I have always liked their company. I used to always have boys or men as my friends, but these friendships have never been so long lasting as with women.
In my experience that these relationships are difficult, because either one misinterprets the situation. Misinteprations can be two kind of, either one is in love and wants to believe the other one is too, or one interprets that other one is in love, when this is not actual situation. Either way one thinks there is warmer feeling than there are.
There is also danger, that the partners may fall in love mutually. Once this happens and when it may end, there is no return to previous situation, how much they would like it.
There is also problem of jealous partners or partners who would not other wise understand the situation. Espesially singles are seen as a threat. And one can understand that, even if it is little sad. Good friendships evaporates due the fear.
So do I still believe it is possible? I don’t think it is impossible, but it is difficult. Yet it can be fruitful and for that it is alway worth of trying.
Filed under: friends, life, men, relationships, Thoughts, women |
The Spinster Chronicles 
Interesting post, and I agree with your observations. Yes, friendship with a person from opposite sex has its own risks, though the advantages far outweigh them; you get refreshingly different perspectives about any topic you talk about, become more aware of their sensitivities etc. In a nut shell it helps you become a better person.
what do we seek from a ‘friend’? To be able to be your true-self, to have fun and share pain; all with no strings attached, without expectations, possessiveness and exclusivity. Once we remember that, being a friend is not that difficult.
The usage of word ‘love’ in your post:
I think the word ‘love’ is the most abused of all. When someone says ‘I love you’, it’s like a gift-wrapped box. You never know what’s inside. You may find the box empty too! I hate it when people use it 😐
I really did not use the word love in that sense as you think. I know what you mean, but I think the expressions ‘being in love’ or ‘fall in love’ should be differented from the term ‘love’. I have a friend, who has studied emotion terms in English and who could propably say something more about this.
I agree that two-sex frienship are usually more fruitful than same-sex ones. There is more spark, and I don’t mean sexual one. I just described difficulties I have had in mine. My first friend was boy, when I was three. I still remember him with warm feelings.
Oh! I was just ranting on ‘that word’ in general 😛 (not keeping your post in context).
While I agree with most of your points, I also have to take my own relationships into context when asking myself this question. Can women and men be true friends? In many cases, probably not. You are absolutely right in stating that male/female friendships tend to crash and burn when one person is more attracted than the other.
On the other hand, I have to take my own friendships into consideration. Honestly, I have some great male friends that aren’t based on anything more than good old-fashioned friendship. Most of them are childhood friendships. Some of them I dated for awhile and it didn’t work out. Romance aside, we were able to forge ahead and carve beautiful friendships that have lasted for over twenty years. I also have guy friends that I was never attracted to and vice versa. We just like each others company.
Here’s something interesting though – four of them are in the 30’s and are still unmarried and with no girlfriend in sight! Could it be there is such as thing as a male spinster? Hmmm…
My apologies, a misuse of words. Looking back at my comment, I did not mean to write that you stated that male/female friendships crash and burn.
Great article though, as usual. I enjoyed reading it!
About using the word love in general sense, I agree. I was raised among people that used that word sparely, and I prefer that way. I am wary of people who seem to love everything from roses to kittens, if you know what I mean. There are few stories about this too. (Just wait… 🙂 )
And I agree also in that sense that behind the word love can be all kind of feelings people don’t always even identify themselves.
I admit I wrote mostly in the negative sense. I just wanted to bring up the misinterpretations which are likely to rise espesially among single people.
Eagerly waiting! 😀
Hmm… Male spinsters 🙂
Does male-female friendship exist?
That is one of the questions that preoccupies the pretty heads of the western society in the last centuries: can men and women be simply good friends, or is there always some potential “love story”, or trivial sexual interest behind?
The opinion seems to be rather clear: such friendship does not exist! – desperate women moan , magazines cry and hypnotizing TV whispers to us .
It seems they have no idea that the majority of the world population, i.e. the entire Asia and Arab countries know and respect this phenomenon as „brother-sister relationship”.
http://shaktipower.wordpress.com/2007/02/14/does-male-female-friendship-exist/
Yet in many Arab countries any connection between men and women is suspicious and a lot of end up with “honor murders”. Ideology and practice are so often so far away from each others.
I hope it would be like that, but in practice I don’t think that kind of relationships really exist. May be I am just pessimist.
Raindreamer, they do exist! I personally have several such a relationship and I know many other examples. But of cause, without experiencing it one can not – and should not! – belive. Wish you to find such a bound one day…
I don’t mean that male-female friendships would not excist. I just mean that they don’t seem to have lasting power, if the female side is single. Or may be I have just had bad luck…
I have had plenty of male friends, but some how the relationships have not last, and I miss many of them. I can truly said there has been at least some 15 male-friends during my still rather short life.
Either his girl-friend is potentially (he thinks she might be) or really jealouse – or he falls in love with me or vice versa. There is one occasion that my relationship ended because he split with his girlfriend and took space with all their former friends. I had been more his friend than hers, but that did not help.
By the way I don’t remember once that relationship had closed, because I truly had fallen in love myself.
I see what you mean. As I metioned in my article, it is the matter of a tradition in a culture.
In the West there is no such a tradition, and men (or thier jelous girl-friends) do not understand what is behind. Such a pity! But hopefully things will change one day 🙂
It is very rare to see PURE FRIENDSHIP in people of opposite sex.
I agree with you cent percent.
http://skytech.wordpress.com
http://nishantmodak.blogspot.com
It was nice to find and read your blog.
Yes, well finally I found somebody, who agreed with me. You’re definately welcome back. 😉
Although it is alwaysnice to have discussion. 🙂
you are on one of my blog rolls now 🙂
Keep writing !
I just decide to add one link here: Psychology today wrote: Can Men and Women Be Friends?.